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How To Say No!

18 August 2019

Here’s a fun thing …how many pop songs can you think of with the word ‘no’ the title?

My favourite would be ‘Nobody Does It Better’ by Carly Simon. The theme track to one of my favourite Bond films. I’m aware it has the word ‘nobody’ in it, but I set the rules here and I say we can all be creative.

Can you think of 5 or more songs?

No is such a useful word. One of the best things a parent can (and should do) is to say no to their children. Boundaries are important and when kids cross them they need to know they have done so. They also need to know that the sun doesn’t shine out of their baby buggy.

We are all important and I believe it’s healthy if we all take a turn at being No.1 …children learn to give as well as take when we do this.

Song writers often opine that breaking up is hard to do. However, in the days of online dating, breaking up can be surprisingly easy. Mind you ‘I’m breaking up with you with a short text and sad face emoji’ isn’t such a snappy song title, even if it is often the way of the modern world.

Using dating as an example we may have to say no to several people, before we say yes to the one we really want to be with. If we can’t say no …life could be interesting!

So then, no has many uses, but saying it can be tricky. I’ve been saying no to things recently, in order to create space and avoid tripping over myself in my rush to sort out work and life.

I’ve said no by delaying. As in: Yes please and can we do that in September?

I’ve said no by being firm. As in: No…I’ve said we will go to the shop tomorrow and we will be going tomorrow and not today.

I’ve said no by being me. As in: No thanks I’m happy as I am.

This last example is interesting. We are important and saying no is a brilliant way to reaffirm that we are. Oh and we really are!

People may push on this from time to time and throw their psychological stuff in our face. They may even have good intentions, as most people do.

Even if their motivation is positive it doesnt mean they are right, or know what we want, or understand us.

Saying no simply means; here is my boundary and I do not wish you to cross it at this time.

We can love someone and still say no. Two things can exist at once!

What positive techniques do you use to say no to people? Or, who can you borrow from and use their techniques?

Next week we will be looking more at two things existing at once. A surprisingly useful concept and one of my favourite coaching tools.

So …can you wait for next week? No! (Sounds of the audience laughing and groaning). Have fun!

Next week: The Power Of Two!