Category: Uncategorized

Life is tough. Full of surprises. And currently warm summer weather. Maybe not all surprises are bad ones!

Sunshine is great for vitamin D production and over the dark winter months it’s a fair bet that most of us are deficient in the big D in some way.

Now the sun is out and beaming down on us we are getting a good dose of an essential vitamin.

I mention this because colds and flu tend to strike when our levels are lowest, which is why generally we have fewer sniffles in the summer. If we don’t like being out in the sun we can get a special lamp to achieve the same effect. And we can know that an afternoon in the garden is boosting our resilience.

I think of resilience as our ability to keep going and to bounce back when we hit turbulence. It’s hard to teach as a specific item, but we can sidle up to it and give ourselves a shove in the right direction.

I think of myself as a fairly resilient sort of person and along the way I’ve learned a few things, that I use all the time to support myself.

Here are a few of my favourites…

1. Ask for help. This can be so hard to do, I know, and yet if we take a deep breath and reach out to two people we will often be surprised at what happens next. Two supporters are better than one and also minimises the risk of one person being too busy for us right now.

2. Have a physical activity in our life. Lots of people go running and that works for them. Personally I prefer some gentle yoga because all you need is a mat and a YouTube video and, most importantly, it spares us the horror of seeing Mamils (middle aged men in Lyrca shorts). We can also do it come rain or snow.

3. Play music. Switch on the radio, dust off our favourite vinyl disc, or plug in the electric guitar and crank up the volume to 11. Singing and dancing are a great way to release positive endorphins and who cares how out of tune we are? We are happy and that’s what counts.

4. Have a plan. Often we do better when we have a longer time horizon to focus on. Problems today seem more digestible if we know we will resolve them by this time next year. Not having a plan can lead to poor short-term decison making.

5. Eat and sleep. Putting good quality fuel into our tank helps our energy. Swap pizza for green veg, and carb heavy diets for lighter options. Sleep can be tricky and yet a herbal tisane (special tea type mix) can really work well. I know, I have a bag of this magic potion and make a cup when I need to relax late at night.

6. Remember our journey so far. As grown ups it’s easy to be stuck, in a flap, in the moment. Yet as kids we often had similar tough times, whether exams, or house moves, or family upset. We survived those and we can know that we will survive the current problem. Pause here and take a moment to rememebr how fabulous you are! (Yes you!)

7. Focus on small wins. Our longer term plan is wonderful for giving us a guiding path. However, on a daily basis it can boost our resilience to give ourselves a pat on the back for simple achievements. Perhaps getting to work on time, or making a choice to go to be early instead of polishing the skirting board.

Resilience is an art. We need to be artful and creative and we can design solutions for ourselves and ignore people who stand in our way.

We can be the wonderful and resilient person that our good friends and supporters know we are!

Next week: Space …The Essential Frontier!

I do like a bit of music you know. Whether playing new bands on my radio show, or singing in the car, or thrashing my ukulele. All good fun and great for the soul.

There’s a band called They Might Be Giants, who specialise in quirky off-beat songs. You might be of an age to remember their one UK hit, called Birdhouse in your Soul, back in the 80s.

What is less well known is that they’ve produced a couple of albums for children, which I think is a rather lovely and inclusive thing to do.

One album is simply called No!

The title track contains the lyric ‘no means no, a thousand times no’ and that’s perceptive.

Parents need to teach children boundaries and ‘no’, when used fairly, is a potent piece of parenting.

It’s the same for children too and being able to voice their ‘no’ is equally important and affirms their ability to think and make choices.

When we are dealing with a difficult business situation we can be too eager to work hard towards a ‘yes’ response, but the problem here is that we don’t know if the other party really means to say yes, or is just agreeing with us to get us to go away.

However, if we can frame questions to get a ‘no’ response then we can be confident we are getting genuine information.

For example…

Do you want to end this project? No.

Do you really want to leave this organisation? No.

Do you intend to keep having issues with this person? No.

All of these give us a clear backstop position that we can move forwards from. They allow the other person to feel powerful and in control and in doing so they are more likely to be receptive to new ideas and new solutions.

The word ‘no’ keeps us grounded and with our feet planted firmly on the floor we are more likely to feel safe.

Once we feel safe we can cautiously edge out from our psychological space and explore new possibilities.

This week we can all have fun framing questions to elicit a clear ‘no’ response. They are surprisingly useful!

Maybe …We Can All Be Giants too!

Next week: The Art Of Resilience