This isn't a cup of tea... it's a conversation starter!

A client asked me how to start a conversation and it reminded me that it’s often easier to talk about networking than it is to go and do it. Starting conversations is easy, when you have prepared a couple of opening gambits. These can include:

A) You smile, profer your hand for a fellow networker to shake and introduce yourself. You can then ask them: Have you had a busy day? (Or do you have a busy day to look forward to?). These are closed questions and you can bet they’ll be answered with a ‘Yes’. Then you can follow up with an ‘open’ conversation starter such as: And what does a busy day look like for you?

B) Recognise that people like to begin a conversation with safe ‘Rituals’ such as organising drinks and asking how you are? Answer: Fine. (This is safe and predictable… if you want to scramble their brain then firmly clasp their arm and thank them for their concern, before talking wildly about your troubles). After a Ritual introduction people are happy to do some ‘Pastiming’. This is where we chat about safe subjects, such as the weather, the journey to the meeting, if they watched a popular TV programme and so on. Pastiming requires more thought than Ritual and there’s more risk involved (perhaps in disclosing you watch the Antiques Roadshow) and with a few easy questions you can soon find yourself in the flow of a productive conversation.

Ritual and Pastiming are two TA terms that relate to Time Structuring… which is a model that helps us to work out where we are in a conversation. It’s only once we’ve made a friend or built some rapport that we can move up to ‘Activity’ and get down to business.

And a tip that I often offer is simply to learn five good questions that are easy for people to answer. If you’re stressed then it’s simpler to just use rote learning to get a conversation started, rather than having the burden of thinking in the moment! Suggestions include:

1) How long have you done that?

2) How did you get started?

3) What trends are there in your industry?

4) What mistakes do people tend to make when they start out?

5) What do you look for in a client?

Preparation is the key and it’s okay to rehearse your questions on the journey, to make sure you have them up and running in your head. That’s what I do!

And remember… people like to be listened to, so if you’re doing more nodding and less talking, the other person will feel like it’s a really great conversation.

Happy chatting!

There are lots more tips to improve our people skills in the book How To Keep Your Job. Have you read it yet?

Here's a menu... what do you fancy for lunch?

One really simple way to get ourselves out and about and doing some useful networking is simply to do lunch. I mention this because recently I’ve had two lunches where I met business friends for a natter and with no set agenda.

Because we were relaxed we had friendly chats. And…and this is the key point here…in both cases I came away with new options for networking and for pursuing marketing activities.

It reminded me that often we don’t really know what our friends are doing and what other skills they have until we talk to them.

So, here’s my 4-step plan to get us started:

1. Pick a friend who is in similar situation to yourself, e.g. running their own business.

2. Invite them out to lunch, or to meet up for tea and cake.

3. Have a relaxed friendly chat and mention your frustrations.

4. Ask if they know of any solutions, or options for actions?

The key thing is that we need to be comfortable enough to reveal our frustrations. Doing this is a great way to move the conversation from gentle ‘pastiming’ into something more purposeful and ‘activity’ related.

Pastiming is a word from TA and it means a safe level of conversation where we risk little and get little in return. Activity, in a TA context, is when we move beyond platitudes and start to do some work. We risk more, by perhaps revealing concerns, but we get more in return.

So, if you’re wrestling with a problem, want to increase your networking activities, or are chewing the end of your pencil over an issue, then my suggestion is to stop. And to start doing lunch.

You never know how useful it might be and what new possibilities will open up for you.

Where could lunch take you?

This week it’s taking me out to dinner…for more networking with interesting people.

To Richard... from one scrummy writer to another....

Did I mention that I met Stephen Fry last week? He came to Holt to let me buy a copy of his latest book and of course I couldn’t resist popping by for a quick chat. I even let him sign it for me, as I know what a buzz that gives writers.

And after he had signed it I handed him one of my new Twitter cards (see last week’s post) and asked if he’d be kind enough to pass it on to Mrs Stephen Fry, as her tweets are very droll. He laughed and said ‘Oh my goodness, yes I will’ in that voice of his that could have been agreeing to try out a particularly fiendish piece of grammatical tonguery, or just polish off a slice of rampantly creamy victoria sponge…

…And breathe out. See; I went all Stephen Fry there for a minute….

Anyway, as I was saying, the point was I gave him a card and asked for something. An hour later (I assume he had rushed home specifically) he had tweeted out my request to @MrsStephenFry and in addition @PippinFry was now following me, as were about a dozen new people.

Much fun was had by all as we talked about getting a royal mention, but the point of it all was this:

When you’re networking it pays to ask for something specific.

People are more likely to remember it and act on it than if you’re just asking for something vague. People remember specific details and not generalisations, so don’t ask people if they ‘know someone who could help me’ …instead ask them (in my case) if they ‘know anyone who would be interested in becoming an ILM Accredited Level 5 Coach?’

I would have asked Stephen (we’re on first name terms now), but I assume he’s already qualified, so went for the Twitter option instead.

The vast majority of my recruitment colleagues agree that 75% of all new roles are filled through networking, which is bad news if you’re just hunting on websites and in the sits vac section of your local paper. However, to be successful at networking you have to ask for something specific. So, please ponder this question, which could make a crucial difference to you:

Q: Who are you meeting this week: What precisely will you be asking them for?

Here are some typical answers to that question to mull over:

A) Who do you know who is looking for a business manager?

B) This has been a useful meeting and could I be cheeky and ask for the names of 5 people who you think would be good to talk to?

C) Thanks for your time and I’m interested in offering people a free two-day consultancy project, whilst I look for work. Who do you know who might be interested?

Which one of the above might work best for you? I had planned my Stephen Fry request in advance and I had practiced my words a couple of times too, to be sure I captured the moment confidently. He was fun to meet and if he’s signing a book near you please pop in and say ‘hi’ from me…

More Job Hunting Tips!

If you’re new to this blog there are three great books listed on the homepage and you’re welcome to browse. One of them is one of the best practical guides to job hunting around. I know, because I wrote it, based on direct feedback from candidates and observation about what makes for success in the current market place. In addition, if you’d like to know how to write a book, do contact me and line up your questions. Or, if you’d like me be a speaker for your group or event then you can have that as well. I’ve been told that I’m good at it too. What would you like? Networking? Leadership? Running a business? Or to tap into the world of Transactional Analysis?

Pass It On

If you know someone who would be interested in this blog post please forward it to them, or ReTweet it, or let them know they can subscribe to regular emails via the box on the homepage.

Next Week

We’ll be looking at one of the most common errors people make on their CV. I’ll bet it’s not what you’re thinking!

This is what happens inside our head when someone talks to us for too long.

Do you ever listen to Desert Island Discs? (BBC Radio 4.) It’s been running since Noah was a lad and it features the great and the good getting to pick eight records and a luxury to accompany them to a desert island. You have to choose one luxury to make life bearable, so what do you choose?

Well, on the desert island that is job hunting, and its near neighbour that is networking, my choice of luxury is the Minute To Win It.

It’s a luxury in that it makes life bearable and reduces stress. Although it is a freely available and much used tool, it is also an overlooked and ignored item to the extent that for some people it might as well be a luxury. Gloriously expensive and teasingly unobtainable.

Tell Me About Yourself

This is question we get asked at networking events and is often the first question put to us at an interview. Deceptively innocent and open, the question masks a number of cowpats that the uninitiated can squish into:

1. Over talking. People aren’t really that interested in us. They want a few key facts, they want to find areas of mutual interest and connection and then they want us to stop talking.

2. People prefer talking. People often prefer to talk than to listen, not because they’re rude, but because they can get more strokes for talking than for listening. So, if we answer the question by rambling on and on and [yawn] on and on, they start get to a bit fractious. Our ears start to get fatigued after 60 seconds, hence the name ‘Minute To Win It’….a minute is a comfortable length of time to listen for.

3. Being dull. Having a beige personality can be interview suicide, if the organisation wants to hire likeable, engaging, sparkly people, and most do. Work is tough, so having a smile and something interesting to say encourages people to warm to us and makes a tough life bearable. Don’t be dull – be interesting.

How To Do It Well

We can talk at a rate of 150 to 250 words per minute, particularly if we’re excited and the adrenalin is flooding our system. This is a minute of time. We can take these words and use them to make some specific points in our minute and then we can stop talking and can ask a question to ‘throw it back’ to the other person. This is our minute of time used effectively.

An Example

Instead of writing out 150 words, the smart thing to have is a list of 8 key words, or bullet points, + 1 question. (Some people prefer lists, others a more pictorial approach, so do what works best for you.) The outline can look like this:

1. Hi there, my name is [name]
2. I’m an experienced [add your chief skill set or role]
3. I’m interested in [reason for being here]
4. Something interesting about me includes [a skill somebody wants to pay for]
5. Something interesting about me [an experience or mention a household name you've worked with]
6. Something interesting about me [a work-related fact or achievement to hook interest]
7. A number that illustrates how good I am [write a number here]
8. A story title that demonstrates one of my strong points [story title]
9. QUESTION: So that’s a bit about me, what would you like to know more about?

For me at a networking event this might look like:

1. Richard, Richard Maun
2. Development specialist
3. Improve language skills in teams
4. Transactional Analysis
5. The NHS
6. Saudi Sheikh
7. £4m contract in pathology department
8. Shipping 24,000 litres of wine from New Zealand

In a few quick, carefully chosen brush strokes I can use my minute to give people memorable details about me. I can talk about my 8 points and can turn them into a potted history that celebrates successes and gives people a snappy little pen-portrait of my background. It doesn’t matter if other details are left out, they can be thrown in during later conversations, because the whole point is to hook interest and then stop talking. Given that I’m not going into great detail in my minute I’m also fairly confident of what some of the follow up questions could be such as:

• Tell me about the £4m contract, or…
• What’s Transactional Analysis?

I can plan short, useful answers to these and so can get off to a great start when I meet people at networking events, or if I’m being interviewed. Of course an ‘interview’ doesn’t have to be a formal job related exercise either. It can be when we’re meeting new colleagues for the first time, introducing ourselves to key stakeholders, or selling our products and services to new client. A Minute To Win It is an extremely useful item to have in our head and, in my experience, people who use them effectively are much better at selling themselves and their ideas to others.

Our Task For This Week

Have a go at talking for 60 seconds and use the points above as a guide, to give your practice some shape. How would you summarise yourself in 8 key points? Did you check your CV to see what is missing or what you could use for a Minute To Win It? There’s more information and worked examples in the book Job Hunting 3.0 and if you’re in need of brushing up your networking skills, do check it out.

FREE Sample Book

Marshall Cavendish have put together a sample ebook of Job Hunting 3.0 which features the whole of the first section called ‘Getting Started’ and the whole of the final section called ‘Checklists’ containing (no surprises here) useful checklists full of interview questions, process tips and essential information for success. If you would like an exclusive copy; email me or use the contact box and I will zap a copy right back to you.

Pass It On

If you know someone who would be interested in this blog post please forward it to them, or ReTweet it, or let them know they can subscribe to regular emails via the box on the homepage.

Missed Last Week’s Post?

Last week was all about Classic Interview Questions which are well worth knowing and easy to overlook.

By The Way…

Well done to my chum Adrian who won his motorbike race at Snetterton this weekend, after having had to work late into the night and all morning to fix an electrical fault. That’s the kind of 15omph of achievement that deserves a round of applause!

Thank you for reading to the end. Do have great interviews!

Next week is all about PASSION…!

Row your boat and cast your net

It’s amazing that for thousands of years people have known that to catch fish you need a net. One of those tools that is both useful and difficult to replicate with an iPhone app.

However, what really amazes me is that people don’t use their nets. I guess they assume that if they leave them in the bottom of their boat, the fish will just give up and jump in, out of sheer frustration. If only…

If you need a new client, or a new job, or have a question that needs an answer then go networking. Get your boat in the water, make your nets work for you and have fun catching some fish. A tip to get you started: ask someone a question today. Short questions are best.