Helicopters are cool...get one!

I’m coming to the end of a long process because my fourth book is almost finished; the deadline being 1st March for the manuscript to be delivered, in order to meet a publication date of June/July 2011.

The title of this book is: HOW TO KEEP YOUR JOB

Catchy huh! …And the subtitle is: Brilliant ways to improve productivity, stay employed and keep the money rolling in.

Writing books is a long process because you have three main production stages before you get to the selling and marketing work. They are:

- Planning
- Writing
- Editing

There is also a fourth stage that tends to creep in and that’s called faffing. This is an essential part of the creative process and involves drinking extra cups of tea, tweeting instead of writing and generally gazing into space. However, by chewing a pencil at the same time it is possible to look lost in deep thought, instead of merely vacant (which is pretty much what is going on behind the curtains).

The other ingredient is stamina. Marathon runners only have to jog along for three or four hours and then the race is over. Writers have to keep going for hundreds of hours in order to get the words down on paper and then rearrange them so that they make some kind of sense.

There are no shortcuts if you want to write a book; you have to put in the time and keep pushing forwards.

As for me, this weekend I will notch up 30+ hours of editing and polishing, on top of the 60 hours or so I worked during the last 7 days. The end result will be worth it though, as the book is full of practical tips and useful models and, because it has my name on the cover, I need to make sure it’s a book to be proud of.

I know that you too will have worked hard this last week and therefore my point here is for us all to consider:

When I email the manuscript across to Marshall Cavendish my next task will be to click the ‘place your order’ button on Amazon and release into my clutches a nifty little remote control helicopter, as a well done to me for working so hard.

The book will take several weeks to line edit, type set and print, but the helicopter will be mine next week and it will be a top toy to keep my Child Ego State amused and repay him for missing his weekends in the sun.

Children need fun and playtime and just because we’re big hairy grown ups, doesn’t mean that we can ignore the little child inside us, who still needs to play and enjoy doing something just for the pleasure of it.

So, this week it’s toy time!

What will you be choosing for the small child inside you?

Tags: Child Ego State, tip

One way to play with cards! What does your Parent say though?

There are many ways that we can interact with eachother and now that school’s out for the summer there will be many families who witness more whinging, sulking and general grousing. And that’s just from mum and dad….

…you can almost smell the Child Ego State at work here and when we think about being in our Parent or our Child there are four typical ways people tend to communicate. Of course there are always nuances of behaviour and complex conversations, so all we’re doing here is taking a fat brush to conversations and painting them in four big stripes.

1) Parent to Parent
Arguing over who’s in charge, or who really knows best…you see this in the school playground when two mums tell eachother how they would run the school. Also, this is often seen when two managers at work are talking at (not to) each other to establish who is top dog.

2) Parent to Child
Telling someone what to do and expecting them to be a good boy/girl and get on with it. This is sometimes disguised as ‘asking’ and can still be telling…this is what my Child tends to rebel against, when it has flounced off in a huff, to sulk for a bit. Telling and asking can also be friendly and supportive, so we don’t want to think of things as just being negative. Likewise, when we’re taking care of our team, or partner, it’s likely that our Parent is addressing their Child.

3) Child to Parent
If we’re unsure, nervous, unwell, or need someone to guide us it’s quite likely that in our Child we will hook the other person’s Parent, so that they take the leadership position and sort things out for us. I’ve seen an unhealthy example in an office recently, where an Assistant kept using her ‘lost and confused’ look to snag a Manager into doing the work for her. Sometimes our need to be looked after is genuine and healthy and sometimes we might simply be avoiding taking responsibility ourselves.

4) Child to Child
Ever played with your partner (you can define ‘play’), or had a joke at work? Of course you have and these are classic interactions where our natural Child energy is there for all to see. Being creative, solving problems with intuition, having fun, or perhaps crying together, are all examples of when we’re all in our Child Ego State. Watch out though after a hard day at work, when both of you are in your Child and looking for someone to be the Parent and do the looking after…’No, you cook dinner!’…’NO! It’s your turn to do dinner!!’ …sound familiar?

Once we can see what is happening we can make decisions to continue or to change. Do we keep playing, or do we cook dinner, or take the lead, or ask for help? We can enjoy noticing how well we communicate with others and can stop and do things differently if we feel things spiralling into an argument.

When we’re tired or stressed it’s likely that we will be in either our Parent or our Child and so given the nature or looking after the kids for six weeks, or going ‘on holiday to relax’ many of us will have ample opportunity to spot patterns of Ego State behaviour over the summer. The trick here is to be honest and to ask for what we need from those around us. Even if that means asking the kids to prepare dinner once in a while!*

Our Task For This Week

Is to…have fun noticing Ego States. Perhaps watch EastEnders….who is in their Parent and who is in their Child?

Amazon Review

Job Hunting 3.0 has had it’s first review (thank you) and if you have read the book please do add your review to Amazon as they make a difference. Just click here – thank you!

Pass It On

If you know someone who would be interested in this blog post please forward it to them, or ReTweet it, or let them know they can subscribe to regular emails via the box on the homepage.

Thank you for reading to the end…

Next week is about the Adult Ego State and part two of ‘Icecream Story’…

*Assuming you’re not expecting a five year old to rustle up anything too fancy!

Tags: Child Ego State, Parent Ego State, tip, Transactional Analysis

Enjoy some swing time and get to know your Child

How do you sulk? Think for a moment and for fun have a go at answering that question. Do you pout, or huff, or stamp your feet, or give out moody looks, or sigh heavily, or say ‘yes’ but mean ‘no’….

We all sulk from time to time and when we do we tend to behave in the same way that we did as a small child. When we’re grown up this replaying of feelings, thoughts and behaviours from when we were small is called; being in our Child Ego State. This is sometimes shortened to ‘being in our Child.’

What is an Ego State?

Put simply, an Ego State is a metaphor for a collection of behaviours. Because we can’t see inside our heads we need to find ways of labelling clusters of related behaviours and the term ’Ego State’ does that for us. The Child Ego State refers to the collection of experiences we logged as a young person and which we now use as we make our way through life. Some estimates suggest that about 80% plus of our current behaviour is a repetition of our development up to the age of five or six, by which time we had learned how to play, solve problems, use social graces and table manners, have fun, be creative, be affectionate, get our own way and keep ourselves safe (from the scary big people). Or not. Or to a greater or lesser level.

We are Ourselves

We decided what information to take in, what worked for us and what to alter and the Child Ego State is an embodiment of ‘us’. This means that we might be different from our siblings, who although may have been raised in the same environment, decided on their own way of going about things. I think this is an important point because we are not simply a facsimile of our environment and parents – we have been influenced and we made choices for ourselves. Therefore, the implication is that we have to take responsibility for our actions and not try to pass the buck back down the family tree.

So What?

Knowing about Ego States is useful because they help us to act in awareness and either enjoy being ‘us’ or allow us to make changes to our behaviour. Pause for a moment and think about all the times when you may have been in your Child Ego State so far today? Some useful clues are:

1. When you felt young again.

2. When your were doing what you were told (or rebelling), or being carefree.

3. When your actions could be viewed as being similar to those of a five year old.

4. When you were being your own little self, just getting on with stuff in your way.

I have a large Child Ego State (people can vary in the size of theirs, relative to their other Ego States) and will muck about, choose my breakfast cereal based on how fun it looks, sing in the car on the way to a client and thoroughly resent being asked to do the washing up. In all of these bursts I am most definitely in my Child. I giggle when I’m writing a naughty word (bum) and I love the accurate use of foul language to get a laugh, make a point, or underscore a client’s miserable experience. This can be great fun, challenging and offensive. I have to work hard sometimes to rein it in and if you read my current book you will see there is no swearing, because that would be inappropriate. However, and the publisher hasn’t twigged yet, the book does contain odd words such as C3PO, Christmas, Cincinnati and a guest appearance by King Arthur, that I buried in there, purely for amusement. Knowing about my Child Ego State enabled me to do a thoroughly professional writing job and have a bit of fun at the same time.

That’s the point of the Ego States, which also include Parent and Adult. They are a fantastic framework for observing behaviour, mapping conversations, building teams, improving leadership styles and making long lasting developmental changes.

Our Task For This Week

Is to…spot our sulking and instead of wallowing, catch it and make decision to ask for what we need. We can choose to wash the dishes and be helpful and be positive about it. And we can ask for a hug, or bring cakes for our team and have some fun.

FREE Sample Book…at last a book written for the UK/European market!

Do you know someone who is looking for work and needs a hand? Or is about to be made redundant and needs to make a start in sorting out their CV? Marshall Cavendish have put together a sample ebook of Job Hunting 3.0 which features the whole of the first section called ‘Getting Started’ and the whole of the final section called ‘Checklists’ containing (no surprises here) useful checklists full of interview questions, process tips and essential information for success. If you would like an exclusive copy; email me, subscribe to the blog, or use the contact box and I will zap a copy right back to you.

Pass It On

If you know someone who would be interested in this blog post please forward it to them, or ReTweet it, or let them know they can subscribe to regular emails via the box on the homepage.

By The Way… FREE CRANFIELD COURSE ANYONE?

+++NEWS we’re still collecting CVs and places are filling up so please apply quickly+++ At Cranfield University we’re running an Enhanced Personal Development Programme, starting 3rd September and lasting for 4 weeks. If you know someone who is unemployed (or about to be made redundant) and who would like to learn about job hunting skills, management skills and have fun on a real consultancy project then contact me now. Places are limited and an opportunity to spend 4 weeks full-time at one of the best universities in the world is not to be missed. I’m the Programme Director and one of the lecturers, so I can vouch for the excellence of it!

Thank you for reading to the end and remember to begin spotting when you’re in your Child.

Next week is a brief introduction to the Parent Ego State…which is another archaic Ego State. We will meet the term: Introjected. It’s more interesting than it sounds, trust me.

Tags: Child Ego State, sulk, tip, Transactional Analysis