Mmmm...delicious. Would you like some?

Picture the scene: I’m sitting on a comfortable sofa, in the airy foyer of a Holiday Inn, when a waitress comes over and serves our drinks. Just as she finishes and straightens up, I lean forward, catch her eye and say:
“Tell me about your muffins…”

What would your reaction be?

In this case my friend Joe coughed and gargled his iced water in surprise and my other friend Debbie, just stared at me.

The waitress, who didn’t seem to mind, just grinned and replied:
“Well, we have chocolate chip, banana, plain, or raisin and pecan.”

“Ok, thanks,” I said, “I’ll let you know if we want one,” and she smiled and wandered off.

I then had to explain to my stunned friends that the reason for my unexpected and slightly dubious question was that she was wearing a badge that read: Ask us about our muffins.

So, all I was doing was following instructions; whilst wondering if the double-entendre was a deliberate piece of corporate mischief, or simply a slack bit of marketing?

The next time you’re designing a piece of promotional literature perhaps keep an ear open for ambiguous statements that might be well meant, but have an idiomatic slant that renders them open to lively sniggers.

Personally I’m not a big fan of muffins and tend to prefer breakfast baps. What about you?

Paddington Station: Watch out for fairies. And bears.

I was told this story the other day by a colleague and just had to treat you to it, if only because it is true and, from my perspective as a coach who likes to build a safe environment; appalling. My colleague dubs this work ‘fairy coaching’ and I tend to agree with him, on the basis that it falls into the happy-clappy-hessian-knitted-teepee brand of coaching which can give life/business coaching a bad name. See what you think, here’s the story:

At his place of work my colleague has an MD who likes to hire the services of a particular ‘coach’ to help team development and promote harmony. The ‘coach’ likes to get people down and dirty on bean bags, which is not always the best way to make people feel comfortable (the client should choose, not the coach). Last month the team were treated to a new way to confront their fears. They all caught the train into London and when they disembarked at Paddington a soap-box was produced and one by one the team had to stand on it and shout out their fears to bemused commuters.

Yes really!

I had thought this kind of misguided exercise had been binned at the end of the 90’s, along with suspect outward-bound style management ‘bonding’ weekends, which only served to create ill-feeling amongst staff and in no way replicated the working life of the business. (I’ve been on three of these and having learned to abseil, found that this wasn’t a great deal of help when trying to plan a complex factory).

No New Learning

Having finished on the soap-box what did my colleague learn? Only to avoid the police, who asked the group to “Move along please” as a shop owner complained they were blocking her flower stall. The experience also confirmed my colleague’s suspicions about ’fairy coaching’ and as for team harmony, well you can guess the general reaction to the stunt.

Safety Counts

Coaching starts with clear contracting to build a safe environment. If there isn’t a contract then in the words of an experienced Supervisor: “You don’t do no coaching.” If only more people understood this and realised that coaching is client-centred, not ego-centred, then the world and my colleague would both be a bit happier.

The giant iGoggleSunny smartphone even has a door!

How much do your staff really know about the products or services they work with? Here’s a little story about ignorance.

Having decided to go out and buy a smartphone, I popped into our local shop and picked up the best selling uPooh and its chief competitor, cleverly called the ACME Rectangle. Choosing between two rather similar cuboid gadgets is never easy so I asked the cheery looking chap behind the counter for some help. I hefted the Rectangle and asked:

“How is this different from the other one?”

“It’s faster,” he replied loftily.

“What does that mean?” I asked innocently.

“It means it’s quicker,” he replied, as if that would settle things, but he was wrong.

“Yes I know what ‘fast’ means,” I said fixing him with a mild stare, “but what does it mean in terms of performance?”

“Oh, I don’t know that. I’ve only just started here.”

Well that seemed fair enough; everyone needs to have a first day at work and so I relaxed and was about to let him off with his ignorance when he mucked it up by adding:

“Yes, I’ve only been here four weeks.”

What!? You’re in a little shop that only has about 10 different handsets on offer and after four weeks you know nothing about your top two products and expect to sell them on the back of ignorance? I wanted to say all this, but I decided just to think it instead, to spare his blushes. You only have to spend a couple of hours on Google to round up some high quality information, so I have little sympathy for someone who hasn’t bothered to find out about their products in four weeks. He did offer to get the owner of the shop to call me, to discuss the handsets and dazzle me with an attractive tariff. Ten days later the owner has yet to call, so I can only assume that he doesn’t want my business. Perhaps he’s a millionaire and owns a little phone shop as a hobby?

This kind of lazy attitude always puzzles me because, not only am I unlikely to buy from them, I’m also going to tell my network that they offer a poor service. The high street is littered with the retail wrecks of beached businesses and although some of them will have been hit by harder trading environments, my hunch is that at least 50% have been hit by incompetence.

How much do you know?

If you’re going for a job interview you need to know about your CV (I’ve met people who haven’t). If you are selling a product your expert knowledge brings credibility,which builds trust, which eventually wins sales. If you manage a team, you need to know what they know and what gaps they have…or you could be losing business just through ignorance. Successful selling starts with knowledge: What do you need to find out about?

Finding Out

There’s a range of useful information packs in the shop and if you’re in the mood to find out things perhaps start with one of the coaching packs, which both contain useful questions because sometimes knowing the question is what really matters.

A Model T "Yes I can do 150mph" Henry

“Whether you think you can or you can’t; you’re right.”

So said Henry Ford, who in between building his River Rouge plant and selling the iconic Model T Henry, found time to trot out useful one liners, that have been preserved for posterity. No prizes though for guessing whether he thought if he could or could not.

This is one of my favourite quotes because it reminds me that to be successful we need to listen to what we’re saying in our head, as it’s likely to be self-limiting. However, as an additional dimension to this I’ve realised that sometimes saying ‘I can’t do this’ is as useful and as necessary as saying ‘I can.’

What Can’t You Do?

In the headlong rush to get on with our lives it’s easy to write off a ‘can’t do’ as a negative and a limitation, but my recent writing experience has made me realise that in fact we need to balance the cans with the can’ts in order to be successful and to stay healthy. For example, I can write fast when I need to, but I can’t write and drive at the same time, so completing the additional chapters needed to finish my book has meant making sensible decisions about what was a practical use of my working day (and evening and late night). Henry Ford’s quote forced me to think about what I could do and what the consequences would be, which meant taking an axe to my diary, chopping a swathe through my appointments and rescheduling clients until later on in February. I could write my book, but only if I created the space for myself to do so and although this meant making some tough choices, at least I was making them proactively and getting control over the situation. It also meant not blogging for a bit, but I’m back now!

I thought that ‘I can finish my manuscript’ and also that ‘I can’t do that and meet all my other commitments at the same time’. And I was right, so thank you Henry for making me think about both sides of the equation in a positive and proactive way.

It’s an interesting point to consider folks:

What can’t you do, in order to free up the space for something that you can do?

Do let me know how you get on balancing things out to keep motivated and healthy.

Ahoy shipmates! There's pirate gold for helping others!

As I might have mentioned already, I’m currently writing a book about Job Hunting. I need to deliver the manuscript at the end of the month and I still have a small mountain of typing and editing to climb. Yesterday I was intending to rush to the office in order to spend the day completing a chapter about interview skills, when the telephone rang.

A friend’s son needed urgent help and could I write his CV with him? The answer was; yes. I had what he needed and he needed support and encouragement, to help him get back to work.

So, instead of writing my book we spent the afternoon compiling his CV, running through interview questions and generally brushing up his skills. He was very grateful and I felt good too. Not only had I helped someone in need, our conversation had also given me an idea for the chapter I am currenty writing.

A win-win for both of us and it did remind me that we when help people we often get something unexpected in return.

So, if you have some specific knowledge, or a key skill, that could help someone; enjoy sharing it and enjoy the rewards this will bring. Happy helping!

Job Hunting Support

Apart from delivering development workshops and executive coaching, Primary People also works with people to help them learn job hunting skills. Knowing about the 90/90 rule, networking conversations, STAR interview answers, rapport building skills and how to run a campaign can help people to get ahead of the competition. If you know someone who would benefit from support then please ask them to contact me.

A frustrated Lego manager heading for their next meeting

Meetings are a short cut to a full diary and it’s curious that we need to have them at work, in order to canvass opinion and make decisions, yet we rarely feel the need to have them at home. Pause for a moment and consider all the hours we are going to spend in meetings over the next 12 months… More than you might think perhaps?

However, I attended a business meeting recently which was more useful than some others I’ve been to and for two specific reasons:

• We started off by talking about our frustrations.
• We then stopped talking and did some work. 

Naming Frustrations

Everybody has feelings and when people work together for any length of time they are bound to accumulate niggles, gripes, concerns, irritations or grazes to their ego. Perhaps a deadline was missed, a promise only half made good on, or an email sent that was misinterpreted. Whatever the cause of these things, we tend to carry them around with us and they can affect how well we perform at meetings, because they can get in the way of our rational Adult Ego State thinking.

Adult and Ego State are terms from Transactional Analysis and when we’re said to be “in our Adult” we are being rational and objective and using facts. Often people think they are being objective, when in fact their feelings are making them sulk, or withdraw from the discussion, or they make commitments without thinking through the implications. Therefore, at the start of a meeting it can help to invite people to name their frustrations. We did this in our meeting by asking each other:

• Where are you?
• What’s annoying you?
• You look thoughtful…what’s on your mind?
• What is getting in the way?
• What has to change for you to feel comfortable?

By asking these questions and giving us all a chance to be heard (see Active Listening post) we had a frank and honest discussion and took note of people’s concerns. This meant that we unpacked our issues and ‘put them on the table’ where we could see them. As the old adage runs: If you can see it, you can sort it. This is the same for our frustrations; if we can see them then we can sort them out and that clears the way for a more productive meeting, as we are now more likely to feel included and engaged.

Encouraging people to speak up is a cornerstone of good team dynamics and successful meetings. The way to voice your feelings without offending people is to focus on your feelings and connect to an issue, rather than the person, and to use a sentence construction such as:

“When you do this / say this….I feel that…..and I would like us to consider these options…”

When people are given options it encourages them to think…which can move them out of a sulky place and into their Adult Ego State. Questions for people to consider here include:

• What would you like to happen?
• How many options can we explore?

Active Meetings

The trap that we had fallen into in the past was to use all of our meeting time to collect actions, which we would then go away and work on. I’m coming to the conclusion that busy people do better when they block their time into useful chunks, rather than having tiny bits of work all overlapping and competing for attention. Given that we can block out time for a meeting, but then have to reschedule our diary to find time to do the actions arising, it makes sense to treat a meeting as a block of productive time, rather than just a conversation. My thinking is to allow enough space in a meeting to do some or all of the actions there and then, so that we make better use of our time together. Our meetings stop being passive and become active.

As a case in point; during our recent meeting we stopped writing actions about administrative items and simply reached for invoices, diaries, cheque books and spreadsheets and made payments, updated information and organised appointments. This felt good, because we were being more productive with our time. I noticed that at one point I didn’t have anything particular to do, so I checked emails; which was still a good use of my time. Meetings are a collective activity, so the focus is on collective progress rather than maximising individual progress. From a business perspective if two actions are completed that’s two steps forwards for the business and that’s what really counts, not individual progress.

When you are looking at your diary and wondering how you will fit all your meetings in perhaps reflect on these questions:

• What can you do differently?
• When you are planning a meeting think about what items can be actioned during the meeting itself to make better use of the time, so the whole group/business makes progress?
• How does the agenda need to change to reflect a more purposeful approach?

Meetings can easily slip and slide into ‘talking shops’ so it was good to be reminded that they can be sharpened up. I hope your meetings go well and do let me know if you have any tips you would like to share.

More Time Management Tips

There are more tips and practical suggestions in the Time Management Pack in the shop, including the Drivers model, which is one of the most useful bits of thinking I have come across and which has helped me to really improve the way I work. Do you know your Driver preferences? They’re worth finding out.

It's okay to go your own way next year.

With the New Year looming it becomes traditional to make a pile of resolutions, in order to get the next twelve months off to a good start. In my experience they’re easier to make than to keep.

I can think of resolutions that I was only making because other people were telling me to start/stop/do more/do less and so on. I wasn’t making them because I wanted to make a change and so they weren’t kept.

That’s the thing with decisions, if we go against our own energy then we will either work hard to unwind the decision, or just grit or teeth and have a miserable time. Neither of these options seems like a good way to start a freshly minted year.

So, I have two tips for anyone who needs to make a decision as the Old Year slips by and the New Year waves a cheery hello:

1. Make your decision when you want to and not because the clock is counting down to midnight. A resolution can wait a couple of days, until you’re properly ready.
2. Follow your energy. If you don’t really want to, then don’t say you will. Do the things that you genuinely want to do for yourself.

And if you’re not successful…there’s always next year….

Nativity creativity

Here’s fun: A witty talk by Sir Ken Robinson about creativity and education. If you would like to listen to it please click here.

Thank you to Mel Armstrong at Cardinal Talent for sending it through to me in the first place. It did remind me that we often strive for creativity at work; in order to solve problems, design new products and run useful marketing campaigns, for example, yet society tends to really value qualifications in ‘proper’ subjects, like maths and physics. Sometimes, society can be very silly.

In my experience of work people have actively discouraged both thinking and creativity. Two comments, from my own past, will suffice for evidence:

“You’re not thinking again are you Maun? Stop that and get on with some work!”

“Richard, you have too many ideas; go and get on with something productive.”

People who say these kind of things are not great leaders and I’m glad not to be working with them any more. This brings me to my point. The next time someone has an idea at work, any idea, find a way to say thank you, even if you don’t like the idea itself, because their next idea could be the one that really makes a difference. Creativity is the future. Celebrate it and foster it.

I’m off to be creative with some Lego now. What could you do?

Richard making a friend (literally).

Christmas time can be a serious business, with mince pies to make, turkeys to stuff and massive amounts of small twinkly lights to hang outside, where we can’t see them. I’ve often wondered at the sense of spending all year diligently separating rubbish into different piles for recycling, buying eco-hessian bags at the supermarket, using energy saving bulbs and then turning your house into a crazy UFO for three weeks. There’s a house near to us on a main road that has so many lights NASA has asked them to turn a few off because they’re blinding their surveillance satellites. Mind you, I’m not entirely sure what they’re looking at in Norfolk…my best guess would be the pier at Cromer, but I’m open to suggestions.

Snowman

During this festive time, when life can get a bit too serious, it can be helpful to get a nudge in the ribs and be reminded that we can stop and play. A case in point: Yesterday I was about to leave the house and walk to my office (where I have installed myself, rather grandly, as ‘writer in residence’ at a local PR firm) when I realised that the children were all in the back garden playing in the snow. As this was a moment to be savoured, I joined them. We threw snowballs, built a snowman and rescued the tiny twins from snowdrifts, largey because they couldn’t bend in their snowsuits and laid on the ground like helpless starfish. It was a fun thing to bunk off work for a while and great to have some ‘Natural Child’ playtime.

Stop and Play

Natural Child is a term from Transactional Analysis and means when we’re in a playful state, having fun or being creative, without a Parent figure telling us what to do and how to behave. Just because we have turned into ‘grown ups’ doesn’t mean that we can’t enjoy ourselves too.

So, when things get serious over Christmas and your stress levels start to boil; take a deep breath and stop. Then find something to play with and have fun, because five minutes of fun can put a smile back on our face and remind us that without some Natural Child time, life is really very dull.

A FREE gift to say: Thank You for Subscribing

Blogs need readers, so I would like to say thank you for subscribing to one of the feeds. If you have subscribed and would like a FREE gift then please use the contact form to tell me which pack from the shop you would like and I will email it to you directly. If you know of someone who might also like a pack then please forward this post to them. Thank you and have fun!

Real blue sky thinking.

What’s the difference between leadership and management? A question that surfaced again last week when I was coaching a client. In my experience, people need leading, whereas detail needs managing. My client had increased on-time delivery from 24% to 94% in the space of a couple of months. We were chatting about this success and I realised that what he had done really well was to give his team clear direction and encouragement to solve the problems they had. He had also set up regular morning meetings, focused on simple capacity planning issues and doggedly kept his team aimed squarely at the problem. Curiously, he didn’t think that he had done anything himself, which surprised me, as he had done a great deal. A great deal of leading that is. Leading is work too and it was great to hear how his clear leadership, as opposed to detail management, had brought success for them all.

I tried to pin down the root of what made him effective and the answer was very simple. He tended to ask questions. Questions engage us, they force us to think and to confront issues that we have been ignoring. I wrote down three of his favourite questions and here they are, reproduced in all their splendour:

Q1. How can you make your life easier?

Q2. How can you get around this problem?

Q3. What do you think?

I like these. They remind us that great leadership is often about asking great questions. Simple really.

A Free Offer For You

If you would like to send me a top tip relating to soft skills then I will add it to a future blog post with a link to your website. The link remains on the post forever, so you never know who may find it in the future. Send me your tip and the website address and I will do the rest. You can contact me via the blog here and I look forward to hearing from you.